'parents' Tagged Posts (Page 3)

Who’s in Control?

Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181
Who’s in Control?

Trying to be God?
Paul Tripp suggests that there are only two ways of living: 1) Trusting God and living in submission to His will and rule or 2) Trying to be God.

As sinners, we seem to be much better at the second option. Tripp defines successful parenting as “the rightful, God-ordained loss of control.” Our goal is to work ourselves out of the job. We need to raise our once totally dependent children to be mature, independent people who can stand on their own two feet while relying on God.
It’s not easy letting go.
When your son or daughter was born, you were in control of everything. Infants need lots of care and cannot make decisions for themselves. You choose what he ate, when he slept, what he wore, where he went, who could be with him. Soon that baby started moving on his own, and he could crawl down the hallway even if you didn’t want him too. He could unravel the roll of toilet paper, drop his food on the floor, and eventually say “no”. Deciding everything was tiring and at times stressful, but there was also complete power and control.

 

Just like me?
The changes creep up on us slowly, but eventually your child was making friends, having play dates at someone else’s home, riding a bicycle, going to school, joining teams and more. We expect our kids to turn out just like us, and we are often surprised to learn that they have their own thoughts, interests, joys, and dreams. Your daughter may not like the sports you played. Your son may like working with metal instead of wood. She may love books and not care for your music. These discoveries can be amazing and hard to handle at the same time.

Helicopter parents
In an attempt to keep our children safe, we sometimes resort to tight-fisted control of everything they do. This generation of parents is sometimes called “helicopter parents” because we hover over our children trying to watch them all the time. There are no guarantees. You cannot protect them from everything. Only God can do that. And He will wisely allow them to face struggles that will help them grow stronger. Our goal is to to used by God to instill in them self-control and maturity through God’s Word, and to allow them to exercise increasing circles of choice, control, and independence.

 

Gospel Truth
Here are three key truths of the Gospel that are important to remember.

  1. All is under control by God and Jesus Christ. “And God placed all things under His (Jesus) feet and appointed Him to be head over everything.” Ephesians 1:22
  2. God is sovereign and is at work in every situation. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him” Romans 8:28
  3. My goal is not to control and conform my child to my image but to the image of Christ. “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” 1 Timothy 6:6
Heart Check
Are you trying to control everything in your life or the life of your teenager? It is so much easier to try to control everything, but it is wrong. It is comforting to know you have it all in control, but you really don’t. There are no guarantees. Check your heart and make sure the idol of control has not taken over and caused you to lose track of the goals of godly parenting. Are you trusting God or trying to be God?
For more about discovering idols in your heart, listen to the Gospel Treason series by Brad Bigney. He also wrote a book, Gospel Treason: Betraying the Gospel With Hidden Idols.
I’m praying for you! Let me know how I can help or better serve you and your family.
in HIS service,Pastor Mark
P.S. The themes and main ideas come from Paul David Tripp’s book “Age of Opportunity”. I’m summarizing what I read, adding my own thoughts and Scripture too.
You can read past posts on our church website HERE.

Striving for Success?

Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181
Striving for Success?

No Guarantees.

You consistently took your children to Sunday School, read the Bible and prayed at meal times, sent them to Christian summer camp, took them to numerous youth group events and yet your teenager is in full-rebellion mode and is making you look bad. Sound familiar? Maybe not to everyone, but there are lots of kids

Thanks for Everything!

Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181

Thanks for Everything!

The things you’ve done.
Parents are there through thick and thin! You were there to change TONS of diapers. You made late night runs to the drugstore for medicine. You washed MOUNTAINS of clothes. You sat through LONG concerts where you weren’t really sure what song the band was trying to play. You drove miles and miles to school, to practices, to friends’ houses. You shopped TIRELESSLY for just the right school supplies. You returned the wrong clothes that you thought were perfect. You spent HOURS making last minute school projects. You helped with HUNDREDS of 4-H projects. You staffed fund-raisers for teams. You bought lots of fund raiser stuff you didn’t really want. You WAITED for the youth group to return late at night. You GAVE UP your own dreams to pay for family vacations, instruments, lessons, braces, and sports gear. Isn’t about time that you got some credit?

A little appreciation would be nice.
Your children really should appreciate all that you have done and continue to do for them. They should be thankful for all that they have. They should not keep asking for more and more without considering or appreciating what you have already done. The key word in this paragraph is SHOULD. They should be appreciative, but you are not the first person they think of. Most children and teenagers, in particular, are extremely self-centered and focused on themselves. They just are not thinking about what you already did, they are thinking about what else they need.

Be thankful when they notice.
Are you expecting thanks and appreciation? Are you demanding it? Is being appreciated the reason you love and care for your teenager? If that is what you are living for, then it has become an idol. When we start looking for thanks for every little thing,  we will be disappointed and maybe even bitter. Remember your own vertical relationship with God as you minister to your teenager. Pleasing God and bringing Him glory in our service and parenting is much more fulfilling than the few and far between praises from your children.Similar to respect, when we crave and demand thanks from our teens they are often less likely to show it. Check your heart and make sure the idol of appreciation is not firmly entrenched.

For more on discovering idols in your heart, listen to the Gospel Treason series.
P.S. The themes and main ideas come from Paul David Tripp’s book “Age of Opportunity”. I’m summarizing what I read, adding my own thoughts and Scripture too.
You can read past posts on our church website HERE.

Do you demand respect?

Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181

Do you demand respect?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Webster defines “respect” as feeling admiration for someone because of their value, good qualities, or abilities. Aretha Franklin sang R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me. Yes, we all want to be respected

Don’t I deserve some peace and quiet?

Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181Don’t I deserve some peace and quiet?

In the last post, we talked about looking for idols in our own hearts as we try to help our teenagers. An idol is anything we find in our hearts that has a position above God and that we will often sin to get or

Whose Idols are in the way?

Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181Whose Idols are in the way?

In order for us to be truly effective in the lives of our teenagers, we need to be totally honest with ourselves when it comes to our relationship with God. If I asked you “Who is on the throne of your heart?” you would probably give the “appropriate”, “learned” Christian response

Recognizing Doors of Opportunity

Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181Engage – Don’t Retreat!

As bad as people talk about their teenagers and as difficult as things may have become for you, this is not the time for parents to retreat and head to the bunkers hoping for the chaos to pass. It’s the time to jump into

Age of Opportunity or Season for Survival Part 2

Teen Years: Age of Opportunity or Season for Survival? As I mentioned in last week’s blog, I am starting a new series based on Paul Tripp’s book Age of Opportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens. I will be summarizing key thoughts and hopefully encourage you in your role as a parent of one or more teenagers. I highly recommend this…

Thoughts for Parents of Teenagers #99 – Don’t Trust All Christian Parenting Books.

This is the final post in the 99 Thoughts for Parents of Teenagers series. You can go back and read many of them on the church web siteHERE. You can even search by topics or keywords.

This post is simply a warning that a parenting book, even those written by Christians, will not and can not provide a foolproof formula for raising perfect, spiritually healthy teenagers. Sometimes they are filled with human wisdom or simply