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A Higher Agenda

Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181The next few posts continue the discussion of how theology should impact our parenting.

Higher Agenda

No matter what happens in life, regardless of our own desires and careful plans, the higher purpose is the will of God and the higher agenda is that we would live to please and glorify Him. As Christian parents we want to use every opportunity to point our teens back to God, who He is, and how they should respond to Him. God needs to be the focus and reason for what we do. This is practical theology.

God is Near

 

Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181

God is Near

We’ve been talking about the family’s role as the primary learning community. That sounds good, but what does it actually look like? Sometimes our Christian faith gets kind of “fuzzy” when we try to relate biblical truth to everyday life situations. We may quote an out-of-context Bible verse hoping it will motivate them to do the right thing. Let’s take a look at how

From the Heart

 Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181

 

From the Heart

Good Behavior

good behavior gold starMost parents want their children to do what is right and they often end up with the goal of controlling, directing, guiding the behavior of their children. Christian parents would have to admit that behavior is really important because God calls us to be holy and act differently than the world around us.

However, it is the thoughts and motives in our hearts that ultimately shapes our responses and behavior. God’s Word clearly teaches that the heart is the center of our lives and that our actions (service) should come from our hearts. If we focus all our time and effort on directing or changing the behavior of our teenagers and miss their hearts, we may see young adults who do not follow the Lord the rest of their lives. Simply teaching our children “sin is bad, don’t do it” will create temporary or shallow changes that are not attached to the roots of the heart.

“And now, Israel, what does the Lord your God require of you, but to fear the Lord your God, to walk in all his ways, to love Him, to serve the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul,”
Deuteronomy 10:12 (ESV)

Shepherding the Heart

drawn_heartOur ultimate goal in Christian parenting should be to know, understand, and shepherd the hearts of our children. What does this mean or look like? A shepherd is concerned with his sheep and their well-being. He is not worried about how his sheep look to others or how much time and effort it takes to care for his sheep. He protects them and he feeds and nourishes them. He guides them to safety and goes after them when they stray. As “shepherds” of our children, we should see ourselves as their primary teachers and guides. We will want to know our children well and seek to understand why they are behaving, thinking, and reacting the way they are. While we want to see outward obedience, our focus will be on what is going on in their hearts and leading them to God, instead of merely punishing bad behavior and “teaching” them a lesson. If we help them and model for them how to know God and desire to glorify Him, the right actions will follow.

I’m praying for you! Let me know how I can help or better serve you and your family.

in HIS service,

Pastor Mark

P.S. The themes and main ideas come from Paul David Tripp’s book “Age of Opportunity”. I’m summarizing what I read, adding my own thoughts and Scripture too.

You can read past posts on our church website HERE.

Called to Community

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Called to Community

The Second Great Commandment

love-your-neighbor-logoYou and your children  were not only created for a relationship with God, as I discussed in the last post, but we were also created for relationships with others.

Made to Worship

Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181

Made to Worship

The Greatest Commandment
You and your children  were made for a relationship with God. We were made to know, love, serve, and obey Him. We were not created to be self-absorbed, self-centered, self-sufficient, or to live autonomously away from our Creator, God. According to Jesus, the greatest commandment is to love and obey God.
“You shall love the Lord you God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.”  Matthew 22:37-38 (ESV)
Who or What is being Worshiped?
The Bible goes on to say that we will either live in joyful submission to God or we will live in submission to someone or something else. Everyone is a worshiper.

Our thoughts, choices, relationships, and actions are all an expression of worship. In the first chapter of Romans, the Apostle Paul explains this concept.
“because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever! Amen.” Romans 1:25 (ESV)
Parents’ Role
Your children will be shaped and controlled by whatever they worship. Their decisions and choices either affirm that they are living in obedience to God or that they are exchanging God for someone or something else. Most children, and adults too for that matter, do not see themselves this way. When we make sinful choices, we do not consciously admit that we are denying God’s authority in our lives. Our role as godly parents is to faithfully live out and point out this TRUTH to our children. And remember to always speak the truth in love. (Eph. 4:15).
I’m praying for you! Let me know how I can help or better serve you and your family.
in HIS service,Pastor Mark
P.S. The themes and main ideas come from Paul David Tripp’s book “Age of Opportunity”. I’m summarizing what I read, adding my own thoughts and Scripture too.
You can read past posts on our church website HERE.

God’s Purpose for Family

Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181
God’s Purpose for Family

The Right Question

We can try to answer the question of “What is a family?” based on our culture or society, but that is an ever-moving target. A frustrated parent may ask, “What am I supposed to do with my impossible teenager?” The real question is “What did God intend

Who’s in Control?

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Who’s in Control?

Trying to be God?
Paul Tripp suggests that there are only two ways of living: 1) Trusting God and living in submission to His will and rule or 2) Trying to be God.

As sinners, we seem to be much better at the second option. Tripp defines successful parenting as “the rightful, God-ordained loss of control.” Our goal is to work ourselves out of the job. We need to raise our once totally dependent children to be mature, independent people who can stand on their own two feet while relying on God.
It’s not easy letting go.
When your son or daughter was born, you were in control of everything. Infants need lots of care and cannot make decisions for themselves. You choose what he ate, when he slept, what he wore, where he went, who could be with him. Soon that baby started moving on his own, and he could crawl down the hallway even if you didn’t want him too. He could unravel the roll of toilet paper, drop his food on the floor, and eventually say “no”. Deciding everything was tiring and at times stressful, but there was also complete power and control.

 

Just like me?
The changes creep up on us slowly, but eventually your child was making friends, having play dates at someone else’s home, riding a bicycle, going to school, joining teams and more. We expect our kids to turn out just like us, and we are often surprised to learn that they have their own thoughts, interests, joys, and dreams. Your daughter may not like the sports you played. Your son may like working with metal instead of wood. She may love books and not care for your music. These discoveries can be amazing and hard to handle at the same time.

Helicopter parents
In an attempt to keep our children safe, we sometimes resort to tight-fisted control of everything they do. This generation of parents is sometimes called “helicopter parents” because we hover over our children trying to watch them all the time. There are no guarantees. You cannot protect them from everything. Only God can do that. And He will wisely allow them to face struggles that will help them grow stronger. Our goal is to to used by God to instill in them self-control and maturity through God’s Word, and to allow them to exercise increasing circles of choice, control, and independence.

 

Gospel Truth
Here are three key truths of the Gospel that are important to remember.

  1. All is under control by God and Jesus Christ. “And God placed all things under His (Jesus) feet and appointed Him to be head over everything.” Ephesians 1:22
  2. God is sovereign and is at work in every situation. “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him” Romans 8:28
  3. My goal is not to control and conform my child to my image but to the image of Christ. “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” 1 Timothy 6:6
Heart Check
Are you trying to control everything in your life or the life of your teenager? It is so much easier to try to control everything, but it is wrong. It is comforting to know you have it all in control, but you really don’t. There are no guarantees. Check your heart and make sure the idol of control has not taken over and caused you to lose track of the goals of godly parenting. Are you trusting God or trying to be God?
For more about discovering idols in your heart, listen to the Gospel Treason series by Brad Bigney. He also wrote a book, Gospel Treason: Betraying the Gospel With Hidden Idols.
I’m praying for you! Let me know how I can help or better serve you and your family.
in HIS service,Pastor Mark
P.S. The themes and main ideas come from Paul David Tripp’s book “Age of Opportunity”. I’m summarizing what I read, adding my own thoughts and Scripture too.
You can read past posts on our church website HERE.

Striving for Success?

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Striving for Success?

No Guarantees.

You consistently took your children to Sunday School, read the Bible and prayed at meal times, sent them to Christian summer camp, took them to numerous youth group events and yet your teenager is in full-rebellion mode and is making you look bad. Sound familiar? Maybe not to everyone, but there are lots of kids

Thanks for Everything!

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Thanks for Everything!

The things you’ve done.
Parents are there through thick and thin! You were there to change TONS of diapers. You made late night runs to the drugstore for medicine. You washed MOUNTAINS of clothes. You sat through LONG concerts where you weren’t really sure what song the band was trying to play. You drove miles and miles to school, to practices, to friends’ houses. You shopped TIRELESSLY for just the right school supplies. You returned the wrong clothes that you thought were perfect. You spent HOURS making last minute school projects. You helped with HUNDREDS of 4-H projects. You staffed fund-raisers for teams. You bought lots of fund raiser stuff you didn’t really want. You WAITED for the youth group to return late at night. You GAVE UP your own dreams to pay for family vacations, instruments, lessons, braces, and sports gear. Isn’t about time that you got some credit?

A little appreciation would be nice.
Your children really should appreciate all that you have done and continue to do for them. They should be thankful for all that they have. They should not keep asking for more and more without considering or appreciating what you have already done. The key word in this paragraph is SHOULD. They should be appreciative, but you are not the first person they think of. Most children and teenagers, in particular, are extremely self-centered and focused on themselves. They just are not thinking about what you already did, they are thinking about what else they need.

Be thankful when they notice.
Are you expecting thanks and appreciation? Are you demanding it? Is being appreciated the reason you love and care for your teenager? If that is what you are living for, then it has become an idol. When we start looking for thanks for every little thing,  we will be disappointed and maybe even bitter. Remember your own vertical relationship with God as you minister to your teenager. Pleasing God and bringing Him glory in our service and parenting is much more fulfilling than the few and far between praises from your children.Similar to respect, when we crave and demand thanks from our teens they are often less likely to show it. Check your heart and make sure the idol of appreciation is not firmly entrenched.

For more on discovering idols in your heart, listen to the Gospel Treason series.
P.S. The themes and main ideas come from Paul David Tripp’s book “Age of Opportunity”. I’m summarizing what I read, adding my own thoughts and Scripture too.
You can read past posts on our church website HERE.

Do you demand respect?

Encouragement for Parents of Teenagers 695x181

Do you demand respect?

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Webster defines “respect” as feeling admiration for someone because of their value, good qualities, or abilities. Aretha Franklin sang R-E-S-P-E-C-T find out what it means to me. Yes, we all want to be respected